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Why St. Monica is the go-to saint for modern dating


Public domain

Cerith Gardiner - published on 01/24/23

If you need a little heavenly intervention when looking for "the one," here's who to turn to!

After a prolonged period of being alone, I recently set out on the road to finding “the one.” And six months into it I’m already exhausted. Yet, I’m also full of hope, so I’m hanging in.

But one thing I’ve noticed about dating later in life is that things seem way more complicated.

It’s very hard to meet someone when you’re out and about. And as much as my editor would love me to meet someone at church, well that hasn’t happened!

So dating sites it is.

If ever there were a time for a single person to hold their breath and take a leap of faith, it’s when they sign up to these sites and then actually start “liking” someone. It’s nerve-racking, demoralizing (when the person doesn’t like you back), and also time consuming.

Things also play on your mind: you question what you really want, and then think are you being reasonable or are being scared and over cautious. It’s hard to figure it out.

Then there’s the added issue of overlapping. For example, you could go on a few dates and like someone who might wish to keep dating you, but they may also be dating other people they’ve discovered on the site, too.

So, what to do?

Well, some people find it perfectly acceptable to enter into this gray area of dating multiple people at once for a time (I’ve already written about how tricky that one is), and then they expect a decision to eventually be made. Others, like, me are more categorical: one person at a time, thank you very much.

It’s a horrible process, but there is something that does help. Patience. Patience to not rush into making decisions because you might be feeling lonely, and patience that the person you like will eventually find their way to you, and for both of you to know sooner rather than layer if this is the journey you should be on together.

Now, I’m probably the most impatient person I know. I like to make a decision and then have everything wrapped up in a tight little bow. But with age and a little wisdom, I’ve learned that people need time.

We don’t know what our potential “true loves” have experienced in life, and what they might be struggling with. While I might be more spontaneous and speak from my heart, others have a far more reasonable and measured approach to finding love.

Still, not so great for us impatient ones.

Thankfully, I have found some help with this. My editor asked who my patron saint was for 2023 after taking the Aleteia quiz. I got St. Monica, the mother of the ultimate bad-boy-turned-good, St. Augustine. And I couldn’t help but think how fitting this was.

After all, St. Monica really did display the patience of a saint as she waited for her son to turn away from his wayward life and find his faith — it only took a few decades!

So when I’m agonizing over my future, and hoping I won’t have to wait decades, I’m also hoping that St. Monica will pray for me, and God will grant me the patience I need to continue my search for love with hope and faith.

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